the truth about growth

The truth about my growth that I have begun to realize is that more often than not, I am holding myself back. And that's a really painful and confusing realization to sit with.

In the years of growth, I’ve noticed a tendency for self-sabotage. "I don’t think I’m ready." I overthink. I doubt. I feel like an imposter. So I find a reason to hold myself back out of comfort. I tell myself that I can push it down a little further, wait for the perfect time. I’m afraid. Change is scary. All that fun stuff.

The hardest part about growth is confronting myself. Acknowledging that I'm holding myself back. It's tough to allow myself to be in charge, because then I have no one else to blame. When I realize I'm the one holding myself back, I can't put the blame on external circumstances. 

The idea for this collection came from the growing pains of running my business. I felt like I held myself back more often than not because it's scary to grow past the soil I once knew. It's scary to branch out. But as many will realize (and what I too, realized..) is that "safety" isn't where growth occurs. This has been weighing me down, especially knowing I'm the one I have to get past. When things seem too big for me, I shut down because I don't know what to tackle first.

It's the moments when you tell yourself: "I'm not ready", "I don't have the tools for this", "when I have X, Y, & Z, that'll be a much better time to start" - that you must take a step back and ask yourself if the real obstacle here is you.

I am done standing in my own way.

In honour of this realization, I have written a message to myself for this year and will share it with you (I’m being quite vulnerable here, pls keep this close to your heart):

This year I would like to peel back a layer

As if I am an onion

There is so much more for me to feel and experience 

I’m only touching the tip of the iceberg

I want to nourish my soul

Feel connected with the earth, universe, and people around me

I choose to accept change, challenge, and obstacles this year

I choose to not resist the things that do not work out in my favour 

I choose to look for the greater when I can

I choose to be an honest human

To tell the truth not only to others but to myself

I choose to be vulnerable

To allow myself to hurt, not resist the pain, voice how I feel

I choose to follow my intuition and lead with confidence

Put everything out, leave nothing behind

I hope after it all, it is growth that I find.

 

After reading this, I must ask...

Are you holding yourself back?

- T

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